Goodbye My Lover

I always knew it would end....

Part 10 - The Truth About Being Gay in Sydney Australia - His Name Was Hank Part 2

It was the darkest and most loneliest point of my life

It was a Sunday evening a few weeks before the Easter long weekend. Choi had been out late again and I was in the kitchen doing the dishes for the meal I cooked for both of us. He walked in the front door and straight into the kitchen and without looking at me declared "I want out"

I felt a sudden feeling of ice run through my entire body. It was as if he told me I was going to die. Of course I suspected this day would come, but I hadn't secured a job yet and I had no money in my bank account (Choi insisted that he handle all the finances and any money we made was held in an account in his name). I recall I actually whimpered like a puppy that had been injured and all I could do was choke out "I love you" but he turned away and went upstairs. I stood there at the kitchen sink gripping it tightly as my knees felt weak and before I could summon the strength to follow him up the stairs Choi returned with a suitcase. "Pack your clothes and get out!" he demanded.

I was stunned. My mind began to race and suddenly I felt it go into some kind of robotic emergency mode and as I let go of the sink I'd been gripping I stood tall, facing Choi straight on I yelled "But I have no where to go". "Alright", he said coldly, "You have a week then if you're not out I'm changing the locks" and with that he walked out the front door.

I didn't see Choi again after that. The following day I borrowed some money and found a small run down self contained flat in the back yard of a dilapidated home. Before that week was over I left my home. I tried contacting Choi through his office and his mobile, but he didn't answer.

The following day I'd moved out of my home I returned to the house to try and salvage a few things I couldn't manage to carry (family photos and other personal effects). The front door was slightly open and I could hear the television. As I approached the door I could see there on the sofa were Choi and his new lover wrapped in each others arm watching the TV. They looked as though they'd been together for years. My heart sank as I looked over to the side of the sofa where several bags of clothing were sitting. The new guy had moved in.

A week later was the Easter long weekend. I decided I would confront Choi about what he'd done. So I went to the house. Oddly newspaper had been taped over all the windows and as I peered through the window through a split between the newspapers I saw the house was completely empty. Choi had moved. He'd timed it perfectly and to this day 4 years later I never heard from Choi again. It was like he died and I was left filling in the pieces of my life alone.

I tried to contact the gay people we knew mutually. I needed someone to talk to, someone to offer advise but none of them would speak to me. I did manage to speak to Terry some weeks later over the phone and he confessed a similar situation had occurred between him and Choi when their relationship ended but that was after only 4 years Choi and I had been together for 14 years. After that I never heard from anyone again despite my attempts to speak to them.

I was alone with no job and not even sure how I got to this point. For the first few weeks I lived on vegemite stirred into a glass of hot water. Partly because I had no money to buy groceries (you don't get unemployment cheques as soon as you apply for it) and partly because I was so desperately sad. I grew quite ill and  lost a considerable amount of weight.

I sat in that little run down shed I was renting wondering how the hell I got to this point in my life. It was the darkest and most loneliest point of my life...

(to be continued..)

Part 6 - The Truth About Being Gay in Sydney Australia

Try to understand gay people have less rights and are the most discriminated in Australia.

When my partner of 14 years threw me out having met a younger guy 20 years his junior I was left with nothing apart from the clothes on my back. He kept everything. There was not much I could do because unless I could afford a lengthy court hearing for which I would have to pay for a lawyer there are no laws in place that recognise my rights as a gay human being. Yes I know some people believe there is the "de-facto loophole" which basically states a couple who have lived together after a certain period of time are recognised as a partnership, but having tried putting that into practice I was up against a bigoted system for which I was at the mercy of people who didn't approve of gay relationships.

After the first 3 years we were living together I left my full time job to become a professional makeup artist, and I was quite successful too earning in two days what the average person at that time would earn in a fortnight. It all went fine for many years until (because it's an unregulated industry in Australia) every cosmetic consultant, avon lady and anyone else who cared to "give it a try" calls themselves a makeup artist, the value of a makeup artist dropped dramatically and I found myself being expected to work for free or at best for around $9 an hour. This didn't phase Choi who encouraged me to throw the business in as it was no longer profitable. So I searched for work and all I could get was retail, long thankless hours standing on my feet for up to 9 hours a day at minimum wages. Eventually Choi told me to stop working in that industry as he considered me to be better than that and besides at this stage he was earning $100K a year and according to him I didn't need to work.

Yes Choi was doing fine. I encouraged him to pursue his Masters degree. I cooked, cleaned and kept the house quiet while he studied. I drove him to Uni and would pick him up afterwards. I became a regular housewife much to my dismay.

I did everything for Choi. When he went through a confrontation at work I coached him on what he needed to say and how to avoid the consequences of an action he claimed were trumped up charges (He told me it was a computer problem he'd been having but later I was to discover the incident actually involved him being caught on a security camera in his office having sex with some guy).

I trusted him implicitly all the years we were together. In those final years when he'd work back late until around 11pm I believed his excuses when I asked why I could never reach him at his office after 6pm.

When he told me about his mother's Will I believed that too.

(to be continued...)