Part 4 - The Truth About Being Gay in Sydney Australia

Choi Looses More Than Just His Mother

Ching's mother operated a small foreign exchange business from the lobby of a cockroach infested hotel in the centre of Johor Baru. At the end of every day she'd gleefully count up the cash and take it home to be locked in the safe buried deep in the confines of a small caged room. Several weeks later that day's takings would be carefully counted and methodically distributed with parts of it banked through various financial institutions, parts of it used as further cash for the business and the remaining distributed through the hotel's float. It was an unusual way of doing business.

For all the years Choi and I had been together he sent her close to $1000 a month. He told me it was pay back for everything his mother had done for him as a child (which seemed somehow ironic to me). She and her husband lived in a large 2 storey, 4 bedroom house in a newly gated community in Johor Baru which unfortunately still wasn't immune from daylight robberies.

It was about 10 years into our relationship that Choi's mother suddenly passed away. She had a haemorrhaging stomach ulcer and within days swiftly bled to death in her hospital bed (later Choi would tell me you never get sick in Malaysia because once you go to hospital you never come out alive). His sisters never told him about it as it occurred, it was a phone call from one of his high school buddies that alerted us, however by the time we were able to get any kind of information through a series of a dozen or more telephone calls to the hospital at which she was staying she'd passed away.

Of course I immediately arranged the flight for us to go to Johor Baru and we arrived the day she lay in state in her coffin under the carport in the front yard. Quickly one of his sisters ran towards us as we alighted from the taxi and rather than hug Choi to console him approached me directly with the instructions that I was not to sit near Choi, speak to Choi or acknowledge his family. If anyone asked me I was just a friend who came to keep him company on the plane. The process of Choi's mother laying in state continued for 5 days until her cremation. During this time many people came and left whilst all the time I wasn't even allowed to console my partner of 10 years.

Soon after the funeral the Will was read. Of course I wasn't made privy to any information until we were on the plane headed back to Sydney where Choi finally revealed the contents of the will.

Choi's mother had stated in her Will that a certain amount of cash was to be given to each sister, the house and it's contents would naturally remain with his father. Then the big shocker. Choi's mother had also stated that Choi must sell his apartment in Surry Hills and all proceeds of the sale be evenly distributed to each sister and Choi was to retain none of the money for himself. I was shocked and soon after so were all his friends when he told them.

Now keep in mind Choi's mother had no financial investment in the Surry Hills apartment. Her name did not appear anywhere on the bank loan, the property title or any other legal document related to the apartment. In fact both he and I had been paying off the bank loan during our 10 years together naturally enough even though we had never lived in it together we were still partners... a couple and that's what couples do. As far as Choi and his family were concerned I had no right to intervene on this ridiculous situation so I kept quiet.

Quite simply (and legally) it was not Choi's mother's apartment to sell, but pressured daily (and I mean every day since the funeral) by each of his sisters to sell as they were waiting for the money Choi sold the apartment within weeks.

Each of his four sisters did own their own homes at this time. Two had procured their homes through divorce and two were married with husbands. It blew my mind why they expected Choi to sell his home for their benefit. They didn't care that he would be left without his own home, all they were concerned about was the money they were to receive from it's subsequent sale. Clearly the apartment had sold for just over twice the value it was when he'd bought it 12 years earlier, but he did not retain a single dollar of it. His sisters demanded to see the actual bill of sale so they could be sure he was not short changing them when he handed over the money.

(next - Another Sister Another Ripoff)

Part 2 - The Truth About Being Gay in Sydney Australia

Are These People Typically Gay?

I was born in Queensland and spent my childhood growing up in the suburbs of Brisbane before moving to Sydney. I had the usual life like any other Australian kid.

When I'd met Choi I was living in the suburbs of Fairfield south west of Sydney. Like I mentioned in my previous blog post I had a good job, renting a town house, nice furniture (my family use to call it the doll's house from House & Garden magazine lol). I had a car and I lived the usual lifestyle of any other suburban person. I was content.

It was at this point that I'd befriended an Argentinean guy who also lived near Fairfield. Fairfield was the kind of suburb (and still is) where you could have a coffee at the local café and people would sometimes just chat to one another. It's a good atmosphere. Anyway this guy (who I'll refer to as "Tony") turned out to be gay and over the course of our friendship (yes we were just friends nothing more) he convinced me to go to Oxford St and the Albury Hotel and that's how I came to meet Choi.

We dated for a year before Ching Sim asked me to move in with him. It was an interesting year to say the least. I got to meet his friends who were all Chinese except for the occasional Australian who was partnered with one of Choi's friends.

* Jon - in his mid 20's was from Singapore and worked as a flight attendant. Actually at this point he'd just completed his trainee-ship. He lived with Al (a 50 something year old) who owned his house in Newtown. Jon was also dating another guy slightly older than Al (I'll refer to him as Charles) who owned a house in Leichhardt and had been diagnosed with HIV. Al didn't know about Charles of course, but Jon was working on a plan to convince Charles to allow him to move into his house. As Jon had told us repeatedly he was working on Charles to get him to write everything he owned in his will to Jon.

Jon didn't particularly like me because I was not a "glamorous queen" as he liked to refer to himself. He felt that because I was only renting a house in the suburbs I wasn't up to his standard. I eventually had to remind him that he actually didn't own anything apart from the wayward hearts of two lonely old men.

* Henry - Chinese in his 30's studying IT at the University of Canberra. He lived with his lover (a very nice guy) in Canberra but would drive to Sydney every Friday night to stay the weekend with his other lover in Surry Hills and to visit night clubs. He was a polite person, friendly but very much narcissistic. He couldn't pass a reflective surface without stopping and looking at himself (for a very long time). He slept around but never told his Canberra lover. He mentioned on several occasions that guy was a matter of convenience until he'd finished studying. Once he gained his degree he moved back to China to work for his brother's business.

* Terry - an Australian guy who was a little older than Choi. He's a member of the Refugee Review Tribunal. His lover was also from Singapore and about 16 years his junior. Years later when his lover had gained Australian citizenship he revealed to Terry that he'd been having an affair with a guy closer to his own age and left. Terry was (and still is) an amateur photographer, mostly taking pictures of semi naked Asian men he meets in bath houses and bordellos along his regular journeys through Asian countries. He exhibits these photos each year in a small local gallery where every year a consistent group of the same friends attend to view them and pretend to adore them as they gleefully stick coloured dots on the ones they pretend to want to purchase.

Terry was the ex-lover of Choi (I soon found out later). They'd been together for several years before Choi had  an affair and left Terry for a younger man (from whom Choi had left a year before meeting me). They eventually decided to remain friends. Over the 14 years we'd been together we attended many parties at Terry's home (always filled with young Asian men some still waiting for their Visas or Citizenship) but he was always rude to me, avoided any conversation and would often refer to me as a westie (a derogatory term for someone who lived west of the city). I always told myself it didn't matter how Terry felt about me because I had Choi not him.

Choi and, reluctantly, I would remain friends with Terry throughout our relationship. Terry was to play a small role in the breakdown of our relationship years later through the introduction of one of his friends (an extremely narcissistic Asian associate of his).

There were of course other friends Choi had, none of whom made any effort to get to know me. I was that westie who didn't belong in the inner sanctum of gay city life. I didn't dress like them, I wasn't interested in dance music and I didn't approve of the Mardis Gras parade (which I still believe gives a false impression of what being gay is all about).

I just didn't fit in with the Sydney gay scene and years later I stopped trying.

(next - meeting the parents)