As Time Goes By

I've received several messages from mainly Sydney gay men who have been reading this blog. Of course no offer of support or exchange of stories have been made, instead there seems a sullen resentment about this blog. Apparently the raw honesty at which I am posting seems to have struck a nerve because the messages I am receiving have been nothing more than rude comments or nasty remarks concerning the break up of my long term relationship. I suppose I'm not very surprised because my experience with the Sydney gay public has taught me well.

For me the reality is that I hit the ground running when Choi chose to abandon me and throw me onto the street. I know that had he been placed in a similar situation he would never have survived the way I did.

These days I'm in a good place and more content than I have been for a very long time. Do I resent what Choi did to me? I guess not. I was thrown into chaos and came out of it a stronger, more realistic and honorable person. I don't waste my time and certainly couldn't be bothered with gay people (at least not here in Australia anyway). I found out who my real friends are and discovered a world of lies, fraud and cruelty that shouldn't exist. I'll leave that world for the gay men and women of Sydney who created it to scramble around in as that seems to be their choice and certainly not mine.

Many years ago I moved from the western suburbs to be in a relationship with a guy who never left the bubble of the gay world in the inner city suburbs of Sydney. My life changed forever and not necessarily for the best. I was behind before anyone would ever accept me as being just another member of the human race.

Being gay is not a privilege, it's not a choice and it's certainly not easy. But the people who make it that way are gay men and women themselves. Until they accept they are just like everybody else in Australia they will always be fighting a losing battle between themselves.

Goodbye My Lover

I always knew it would end....

Part 11 - The Truth About Being Gay in Sydney Australia

They refer to themselves as the "gay community" but when one of their own falls they all step back and let him hit the pavement with a thud.

So the simple fact was that when the 'you know what' hit the fan any gay friends I knew in Sydney during my 14 years with Ching Sim completely disappeared. They simple chose to pretend I had not existed. Sure I did try to call and email a couple of them a few times, but I never received replies.

In contrast gay friends I had made during that time overseas in New York, Canada and France all still remain in contact with me. We talk about our "today" lives and not about the past which is of course the best thing to do.

Yes I lost everything when Choi threw me out of the house. I lost all my family pictures that I had kept in photo albums (some of them were older than me), I lost any money I had saved because Choi insisted he control our finances. I had no furniture and only the clothes I could fit into a small bag.

Ching on the other hand moved out of the house with his new boyfriend to an apartment in the centre of Sydney called the "Lumiere Apartments" opposite Sydney Town Hall. I know this because I found a photocopy of the lease agreement the day I was packing my clothes (although the actual apartment number had been blacked out with a marker pen). I guess he wanted me to find it because he left it on the bed. Choi got all the furniture, all our money and all my personal possessions. I tried to get advise from people, but there was nowhere to turn. Legal advise was that I could do nothing because I wasn't in a legally recognised relationship and gay advocacy services simple had no idea what I should do.

I am fortunate to have some very good straight friends who during my hard times living in that shed visited me often and console me. They are still my closest friends to date and had it not been for the kindest of my heterosexual friends I think the road I had to travel would have been a much longer one.

Funny isn't it. They refer to themselves as the "gay community" but when one of their own falls they all step back and let him hit the pavement with a thud.

(to be continued...)